After an exhausting and stressful week, finally: a few hours rest in front of the telly watching rubbish programs and eating leftover's from the week.
A pile of clothe waiting to be ironed trys to grab my atention but i simply ignore it, too tired to even think about it.
My eyes hurt from staring at monitors all day long...Still i can't resist writing here...and for that purpose i need to stare at it, once again.
For the first time we had a computer in the house, back in the eighties, i felt that computers and I weren't quite a couple. I wasn't as thrilled as all the other kids for video games, i was never interested in technology not even knowing what kind of pc i had at home if someone would ask. for it. (erg...it's white. - i said once..)...Slowly the computers have somehow entered my life and now ironically, my work relies on it , and i had surrender to it's powerful force.
"Your wasting your hands spending your time on the computer like that"...mum used to say.
As if somehow my inner power was at the extremity of my arms and was shut out by life circunstances and carrer choices. Painting, Sculpting, Knitting, Potting, used to be easy affairs for me. As i grew up i was constantly surrounded by tailors. I used to stare for hours at the hands of my grandmother as she sew colourful blankets from leftovers fabrics. The smell of canvas and oil paint used to fullfill me. Now, after almost 10 years of monitor-related work, living a crazy life from place to place, the joy for crafts has somehow been defeated by time, circunstances and by the simple fact that i lost all of the naivity will that would allow me to do anything.
As the world changes and my life spines around one more time, i look back to my old personal skills and wonder if they woudn't make me a happier women. Change your life completly. - a voice keeps on whisperring. Go back to what you really where brought up to do.
And i can't help thinking about it with excitement.
Or maybe it's just a phase, and i'm simply too tired today..